What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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