How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
