I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Floor bacon is actually really good
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
