he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I enjoy the company of your penis
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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