I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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