Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
