my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
