would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The chlamydia really affected his face.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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