Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
