You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
