He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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