well I can't set my house on fire every night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
