i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
