I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
