Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
