I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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