Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
