There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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