he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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