I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
