She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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