this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
