When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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