I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
