if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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