even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
