you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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