I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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