A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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