girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
