I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
