I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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