That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
