i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
