I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
