just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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