You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
