It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
