Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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