Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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