he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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