this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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