Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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