After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
