why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
this hospital has no fireball
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
