I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
