I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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