you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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