these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
