Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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