I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
