I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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