I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Mom said you looked used
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
