its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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