Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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