His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
