wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
