I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
