She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
