Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
