I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
