a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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