I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
