Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
