I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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