Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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