No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
