i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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