I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
