Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
