he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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