Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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